Freelance Writer and Social Worker

How to Get Your Novel Off on the WRONG Foot

The good news for writers is that Amazon Kindle and similar platforms allow them to get their books directly to readers. No longer does a writer have to search frantically for an agent and wait to get the nod from one of a handful of major publishing houses.

The bad news is that many self-published novels are not edited, proofread, or scrutinized in any critical way before being offered to the general population. And believe me, some of the novels that show up on Kindle can be described in one word: horrible.

Many others, however, fall into a gray area. They're not really that bad. The characters are solid. The plot has possibilities. The writing is okay. They just contain a few too many rookie mistakes. Most of these mistakes become obvious in the first few pages. Readers who encounter them usually move on to something else. A few of the cranky ones may leave bad reviews. 

If you've published a novel that isn't doing as well as you'd hoped, give it another look to make sure it doesn't contain any of the following mistakes.

Coping with a Bad Review

"Writers fall into two groups: Those who bleed copiously and visibly at any bad review and those who bleed copiously and secretly at any bad review." - Isaac Asimov

Asimov is right. Bad reviews hurt. Even the ridiculous hatchet jobs with half the words misspelled. Even the reviews that totally miss the point of your story. Even those that try to be kind. They are all attacks on little pieces of your soul, and they all draw blood. 

So, how do you cope with bad reviews? Here are some ideas:

Resign yourself to them. Any time you put a piece of your work out in the world to be judged, someone is bound to find it lacking. Sometimes the reasons are solid; sometimes they're idiotic. But the naysayers will exist and they sometimes insist on voicing their opinions in the most obnoxious terms possible. Sometimes the best way to deal with this kind of criticism is just to expect it and accept it. Edward Albee, for instance, became so used to harsh criticism that he once quipped, "The only time I'll get good reviews is if I kill myself."

9 Favorite Holiday Movies and Specials and How They Made Me a Better Writer

One of the things I love about the month of December is the chance to see some of my favorite Christmas movies and specials. These are programs I've enjoyed for years, often since childhood. In some cases, I can almost recite the dialogue along with the actors. All of them have influenced the way I view the world and, to a certain extent, the way I write.

1. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964). Narrator: Burl Ives. In this sweet TV special, chock-full of my favorite holiday music, Rudolph is reviled and shunned for his glowing nose...until that very nose helps to save Christmas. Writing Lesson: Rudolph doesn't succeed in spite of his differences; he succeeds because of them. Don't be afraid to be unique.

The Ref (1994). Stars: Kevin Spacey, Judy Davis, Dennis Leary. In this unlikely but clever tale, a burglar takes a feuding couple hostage on Christmas Eve and ends up saving their marriage. Writing Lesson: The dialogue in this movie is fantastic. I watch the Spacey/Davis scenes whenever I get blocked trying to right a particularly nasty argument.

Where Do Characters Come From?

Nonfiction and editing are my bread and butter. They help pay rent on the apartment and keep the car insured. But I have been spending some more of my time playing around with fiction. That means coming up with characters who interact in the worlds that I create. Where do these people come from? A conglomeration of places.

1. They're real people I've met. If you're a writer, you've got to be careful with this one. Live people often don't feel flattered by their fictional counterparts. I handle this by taking just a piece of the person I know and completing the character in another way.

For instance, in my book, Visiting Grandma, Danny's neglectful mother has a serious drinking and drug problem. In that way, she reminds me of the mother of a classmate of mine when I was in sixth grade, but so many other details between the two women are different, I doubt my friends mother would recognize herself.

2. They're real historical people. If you're writing about a famous person, especially one who no longer shares the planet with us, it's okay to make him or her recognizable. But even then you have degrees of freedom. Just look at what the Showtime Series The Tudors did with their lean, mean Henry VIII.

I also think it pays to remember that not everyone was seen in the same way by his or her contemporaries. Will your Mark Twain be the toast of American literature, for instance, or will he be the villainous knave whose books Louisa May Alcott wanted banned?

3. They're good ole me. I show up a lot in my characters, both the good and the bad. My viewpoint, my feelings, my preferences, my strengths, and my weaknesses help fuel my creations. Again, though, I don't want my readers to be able to look up at me scornfully and say, "Oh, that's just you." So I cut and paste and add and subtract and come up with a character with some of my quirks and some of his or her own.

Years ago, for instance, my work appeared in an erotic anthology under a pseudonym. The main character sets the events rolling by trying to rescue a young man from his abusive Top. That's something I would have done in a heartbeat, but in so many other ways this character and I were completely different. For instance, I'm female, not currently partnered, and not into the BDSM scene.

4. They're literary devices. Vampires. Werewolves. Fairy Tale Characters. Soldiers. Parents. The Beautiful Popular Girl. The Shy Genius. Pick almost any stereotype you want, and you'll find hundreds of characters to guide you on your path.

Of course, they won't all be exactly the same. The hellish vampire in Dracula is very different than the sparkling vampires in the Twilight Saga or the longing to be human vampire in Interview with the Vampire.  The idea is to pick out one or two common characteristics (e.g., light is a no-no) and then use your imagination to come up with the rest.

When I wrote "James aka Janie," for instance, one of the main characters is a bitchy, popular girl, but in the end she uses her personality in a positive way to help her transgendered friend.

5. Imagination. Imagination is what brings all the elements together for an unforgettable character. For example, if I were writing a story about Alexander the Great, I might incorporate parts of real life veterans I've known. I might read up on the history of Alexander. I might insert myself into the story by thinking about how I feel after a victory or a crushing defeat. I might look at the stereotypes of the ways gay warriors have been portrayed in history. Finally, I would let my imagination combine these elements and add many more. The result, I would hope, would be an interesting, well-rounded character with a fascinating story to tell.

How to Keep Your Muses Healthy

Let's be honest. My muses can be total bitches, especially when I'm already feeling depressed and they heap criticism on top of me. Never is their imagination more devilishly clever that when they're telling me all the things that are wrong with me and all the reasons this planet would be so much better off without me. "You're nothing," they whisper. "A talentless nobody. A pathetic creature. You do nothing but take up space and air. Somebody would probably throw a big party if you really did swallow all those pills. You couldn't be a bigger loser if you tried. If you tried even more than you do already, that is."

So, yes, my muses torture me when depressed thoughts take over my mind. But they're also the ones who come up with the perfect word or phrase I need when I'm writing an essay or a story. My muses suggest plotlines and then patiently rework them when I'm not happy with them the first time. And it's my muses who help introduce a theme and then tie it all together neatly at the end of the tale.

I need those creatures to write just like my body needs air to breathe. But how do I keep my muses focused on my writing rather than on  my real or imagined character flaws? Through careful care and feeding. And I do mean careful. I've often thought that Hagrid should have taught the Hogwarts students to care for muses in the Harry Potter series. At least then I'd have had a little more direction. In the meantime, the following techniques seem to work well for me in managing my muses.

10 Reasons Why I LOVE NaNoWriMo

In case you've been living in a cave with no connection to the outside world, November is National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write 50,000 words of a novel between 12:01 a.m. on November 1st and 11:59 p.m. on November 30. That averages out to about 1,667 words per day.

Mind you, they don't have to be great words. They don't have to be good words. Sometimes they don't even have to make sense. The challenge is to tap into your creative center and let the sentences pour forth. It's a strict rule that you can't delete anything from the first draft. Everything goes in your quest to meet your word quota.

Not all writers love NaNo, but I'm a huge fan. If you haven't given it a try yet, here are a few good reasons why you should.

1. It Separates You from Your Inner Critic

You don't have to kill your critic off or put her in chains. After all, you'll need her alive and well for the revision process, but for just 30 days, imagine that he or she has gone to a spa or a conference for frustrated English teachers. This will free you up to write your worst--and, paradoxically, your best.

2. You Can Have Fun with Writing

I write for a living, and while I love what I do, most of my assignments aren't really that much fun. When you're participating in NaNo, though, you can be as crazy as you like. Want to add ten monkeys to a story just to see what happens? Drop them in! Sick of your main character? Give him a case of the plague and let the chaos begin.

8 Tips for Editing Your Fiction Manuscript

I love being in that writing space when the words just flow. Sometimes it feels as if these characters given birth to by my brain have taken on a full life of their own and want to tell their own story.

And I'm cool with that. I know they usually do a better job than I do of defining their relationships and pulling all the loose plot ends together.

I have learned one thing, though. During the first draft, I send my inner critic on a paid vacation and let everything pour onto the paper. Then I set it aside for a few weeks.

When I'm ready to start editing and revising my work, I humbly ask my inner critic to come home and take over the process--and she is more than happy to do so. These eight steps she insists on following add strength and clarity to my fiction manuscripts. Maybe they will help yours, too.

1. Use a timeline. I use a piece of notebook paper, but one of my best friends who writes epics gets an entire roll of brown packing paper, spreads it out across the living room floor, and goes to town. A timeline can help you figure out what happens when in the story. If you jump around from scene to scene like I do, it can help you avoid embarrassing mistakes like Cousin Matilda, who tragically perished in an accident on Halloween, calmly joining the family for Christmas dinner.

Fiction Writers - 10 Resources to Help You with Character Names

Naming your characters can be almost as hard as naming your kids--or so I've been told. I don't have kids. What I do have is experience gently rubbing my aching temples in the wee hours of the morning as I try to think of the perfect name for my villain or as I wonder half-hysterically if I can really tolerate writing 300 pages about a character named Priscilla Louisa.

At these moments, character naming resources come in very handy. The 10 I've listed are my personal favorites, but feel free to add yours in the comments section. I'm always happy for new ideas!

1. Baby Names for the New Century: A Comprehensive Multicultural Guide to Finding the Perfect Name for Your Baby, by Pamela Samuelson (HarperTorch, 1994). I was surprised to see that this book had a rather average ranking on Amazon, because I've been using it for years. It contains a ton of names along with their derivatives and origins. Unfortunately, it's getting a little dated now--it was, after all, published almost 20 years ago--but I still use it on a regular basis.

2. The Baby Name Wizard: A Magical Method for Finding the Perfect Name for Your Baby, by Laura Wattenberg (Three Rivers Press, 2005). There are many things I like about this book, including the graphs that show dips and rises in the name's popularity and the suggestions for sibling names that match the name being discussed.

3. Baby Names Made Easy: The Complete Reverse-Dictionary of Baby Names, by Amanda Elizabeth Barden (Touchstone, 2009). This very helpful book allows you to look up names by their meanings. If you enjoy using character names with a symbolic touch, this is an excellent resource for you.

4. A is for Atticus: Baby Names from Great Books, by Lorilee Craker (Center Street, 2008). Granted, this book isn't as comprehensive as some other books of baby/character names, but it does a great job of suggesting literary names from the obvious to the obscure. Especially helpful if you're trying to decide on a name for a teenage character whose parents are both English professors.

My Favorite Freelance Writing Posts

Isn't it a shame that when you write a blog some of your best posts slip away into obscurity. (Then, of course, there are the posts that truly should slip away into obscurity, but that's a different story.)

Anyway, this week I was feeling a little nostalgic, and maybe a little lazy as well, and decided to rerun some of my favorite posts from the last year or so. If you missed the originals, I hope you'll find something amusing or something informative in these selections.

1. 25 Strategies for Smashing Through Writer's Block. No, I'm not going to take the time to argue about whether there is any such thing as writer's block. Whatever we want to call it, most of us have had times when we're simply stuck, and these tips can help.

2. Freelance Writers: 7 Tips for Caring for Your Hands, Wrists, and Arms. We may not be professional athletes, but we still rely on our bodies to make a living. If you aren't already, start treating those hands with kid gloves.

3. Dear Debra - A Letter to My Sixteen Year Old Self. My personal favorite blog posts. I just wish someone really had been around when I was 16 to give me that advice!

5 Things Stephen King's "Misery" Taught Me about Writing

Stephen King's book On Writing has helped a generation of writers find ways to express their ideas. I loved it, and it's always one of the first books I recommend to newbies.

I have to confess, though, that I learned even more about writing from another book of King's. A novel. Misery.

For those unfamiliar with the plot, it's about a writer, Paul Sheldon, and his biggest fan. Paul's historical romance series about an empty-headed character named Misery has made him a fortune but shredded his self-respect.

Finally, in self-defense, Paul decides he must kill Misery. She will die in childbirth. Unfortunately for him, just as Paul's final Misery novel is released, Paul is involved in a horrible car accident in middle-of-nowhere Colorado.

Annie Wilkes, the nurse who saves his life and brings him to her home to heal just happens to be his number one fan who is so looking forward to reading the new Misery book. She just loves Misery.

And when she finds out that Paul has murdered her favorite character, her vengeance is swift and brutal. She buys an old, manual typewriter, slams the still-critically-injured Paul in front of it, and orders him to write Misery back to life.

Or else.

Here's what I learned from this nail-biter of a book.

1. You can write under any circumstances. Paul writes with two shattered legs and while he is under the addictive influence of pain killers. He writes when he's scared, thirsty, hungry, tired. He even writes after certain parts of his anatomy have been removed during Annie's rages. And I was complaining the other day about having to write with a migraine? Wow.