Freelance Writer and Social Worker

How to Keep Your Muses Healthy

Let's be honest. My muses can be total bitches, especially when I'm already feeling depressed and they heap criticism on top of me. Never is their imagination more devilishly clever that when they're telling me all the things that are wrong with me and all the reasons this planet would be so much better off without me. "You're nothing," they whisper. "A talentless nobody. A pathetic creature. You do nothing but take up space and air. Somebody would probably throw a big party if you really did swallow all those pills. You couldn't be a bigger loser if you tried. If you tried even more than you do already, that is."

So, yes, my muses torture me when depressed thoughts take over my mind. But they're also the ones who come up with the perfect word or phrase I need when I'm writing an essay or a story. My muses suggest plotlines and then patiently rework them when I'm not happy with them the first time. And it's my muses who help introduce a theme and then tie it all together neatly at the end of the tale.

I need those creatures to write just like my body needs air to breathe. But how do I keep my muses focused on my writing rather than on  my real or imagined character flaws? Through careful care and feeding. And I do mean careful. I've often thought that Hagrid should have taught the Hogwarts students to care for muses in the Harry Potter series. At least then I'd have had a little more direction. In the meantime, the following techniques seem to work well for me in managing my muses.

Fighting Depression with Everything I Have

It's been a while since I've added anything to this blog. That's because, in spite of ECT, depression is still kicking my tail. Through lots of therapy, some of it in an intensive outpatient program, I've come to realize that this is a chronic condition. I won't always feel this bad, but I will always have to deal with managing my mood and guarding against the possibility of relapse. I will always have to recognize the fact that my mind takes me to the negative places first, and I must challenge this tendency.

So where does all this leave my writing? For several months, I stopped writing and editing altogether, but that didn't make me happy. In fact, it made my depression worse. I felt like I had become disconnected from a vital part of myself.

So, as part of my healing process I'm re-affirming myself as a writer. That means taking writing and editing assignments and turning in a professionally polished product on time. It means scouring the job boards and responding to the ads that match my areas of expertise. It means marketing my books. It means coming up with article ideas and drafting queries to publications. It means reading books and signing up for online classes to expand my skills. And it means keeping this blog current.

My goal is to publish a new blog once a week and to respond to any questions or comments within 24 hours. I also want to reconnect with other writers on their blogs.

Finally, as part of my own recovery, I want to reach out to other writers and readers who are struggling with this beast called depression. I don't have all the answers - I'm not sure I have any of the answers, for that matter - but I do know that depression thrives in isolation. The more support you find, the weaker it becomes.

So, let's support each other. Feel free to leave a message for me on this blog or to send me an email at [email protected].

Tune in for more next week. Same time, same station.  

A Shocking Development: How ECT Gave Me Back My Writing

"There is not much else I can do for you chemically," my psychiatrist told me directly.

"And that means?" I asked, trying to care.

"I'm recommending ECT."

ECT. Electro-convulsive therapy, once known as electro-shock. I knew what that was all about, or at least I thought I did. I'd seen One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

But I also understood that it was time for something drastic. My moods have always been on a roller coaster to hell thanks to my bipolar disorder. In December of last year, a cruel depression had swept in, obliterating everything that was good in my life. Motivation became a thing of the past. Next my concentration failed me and I began making stupid, rookie mistakes. As one medication after another failed to restore me to even a semblance of normalcy, my thoughts turned to suicide. And fixated there.

Yes, it was time for something drastic, but I still trembled as I approached the hospital for my first session of ECT. (The initial phase of ECT usually consists of three outpatient treatments a week for four weeks.) I had visions of being dragged into an empty room and restrained in a straitjacket.

Keep a Gratitude List in Your Writing Workspace

I'm lucky enough to be one of the 5.7 million Americans living with bipolar disorder. Although it is usually well controlled by medications and lifestyle choices, I do cycle through episodes of mania and depression from time to time.

When the depression hits, I spend a lot of time thinking about everything wrong with my life. I've found that the best way to deal with these thoughts is to force myself to change focus and acknowledge everything that's right in my life. I call this my gratitude list, and I keep it right in front of my computer in my workspace. It brings me comfort during hectic days or days when I feel a little down.

If I'm having a bad day, I also challenge myself to add at least one new item to my gratitude list. It may take some creative thinking, but I'm always able to come up with something.

Writing and Depression

The alarm beeps and I slap my hand over it to stop the noise. I feel as though a rock is sitting squarely on top of my chest. Although I know I have work to do, and lots of it, I cannot think of a single reason to get out of bed.

"You suck at this," I tell myself. "Whatever made you think you could be a writer? You might as well just stay in that bed...loser."

Ah, the charming screech of depression. As a person living with bipolar disorder, I've been dealing with depression in one form or another for most of my life. Depression, I've realized, has one goal: to take your hope away and leave you swimming in a dark sea of failure.

If my depressed voice had its way, I would spend the rest of my life huddled in a corner of my bed feeling too empty to do anything but stare at the wall.

But I can't let my depressed voice have its way. I have projects to write and editing to do and besides, I don't want to spend the rest of my life looking at a wall.

So most days I stumble out of bed, shower, dress, eat some protein, turn on my computer and start writing.

What allows me to fight off depression long enough to complete these tasks? Lots of tricks that I've learned over the years.

Writing 101: Recognizing Your Blind Spots

My 12-year-old cat, Achilles, has a problem: He doesn't realize that his tail is supposed to be permanently attached to him. On most days, he chases it until he is dizzy. Then he tries to walk away with dignity, hissing in frustration as the tail follows right behind him.

A few days ago, he jumped up on my writing desk where I had a candle burning. Busy with a tough editing project, I shooed him away. He angrily slashed his tail back and forth over the open flame...and set it on fire!

I screamed and grabbed his tail with both hands. In the end, his fur got a little singed, but the fire never touched his flesh. I was left with a tender red spot on my left palm.

And the funny thing is, he never realized for a moment that he was in danger. In fact, he scratched me for pulling his tail.

Talk about a blind spot! And yet, I know I have blind spots at least that big.

The Care and Feeding of the Freelance Writer

If I asked you to name your most important business asset, what would you say? Your computer? Your printer? Your iPhone? What about you?

Yes, you. Your computer can always be replaced, even if it has a major meltdown and zaps half of your documents into oblivion (three words: external hard drive). Printers and iPhones, too, can be fixed or replaced within a day or two of crapping out.

You, however, cannot be replaced. If you're too sick or stressed to write, your whole business grinds to a halt until you feel better. That's why caring for ourselves is so important.

So, even if you're sure you are Super Writer and that you don't have time for special care, take just a minute to think about the following suggestions. You may be surprised at how a small amount of comfort and care can send your productivity skyrocketing.

Remember GIGO

For those of you who have never taken a programming class, GIGO stands for "garbage in, garbage out." It doesn't matter how sophisticated your program may be--it the data you enter is garbage, the results you receive will be garbage as well.

The same thing is true with your body. The more you stuff yourself with caffeine and sugar to keep your tired brain churning out ideas, the more your writing will suffer. You'll start to make mistakes, first small ones, then bigger ones that can hurt your career. The only answer is to stop the cycle of garbage and give your body the rest, exercise, food, and fluids it needs to keep the brain in top shape.

Escape from the Cave

Sure, our ancestors may have slept in caves and sought shelter in inclement weather, but they were smart enough to know that the human body was never intended to remain inside 24/7. Take a page from their book, and get out as much as you can. Take a break and walk around the block, or bring your laptop to a park and work on your projects there. Even if it's snowing, you can still get outside for a few minutes. Try doing something fun like building a snowman or making snow angels.

Living and Writing with Bipolar Disorder - Staying on the Road

Imagine the best day you've ever had, a day when you were filled with energy and confidence and felt like you could take on the whole world and win...all before breakfast. Multiply those feelings by about 20. That's a manic episode.

Now imagine the worst day you've ever had, a day when you felt sad and lonely and discouraged. A day when getting out of bed seemed like a Herculean task and you had to force yourself through the motions of getting through the day. Now, multiply that feeling by 100. Unless you've been there, that's probably the closest you can come to understanding a depressive episode.

Although I was not officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder until I was in my thirties, I've been living with it ever since I was a teenager.

On most days, you'd never guess there was anything "wrong" with me. I'm calm, even-tempered, and I love working at my freelance writing business. I can't ever let myself forget, though, that the mania and depression lie in wait, counting on me to make a mistake that will release them.

In some ways, being bipolar is kind of like driving down a road. You're going along just fine when all of a sudden your tires hit an icy patch and send you flying into a skid. With not even a second's notice, you're fighting for your very survival.

Only when the car comes to a shuddering stop are you able to get out and assess the damage--like thousands of dollars in credit card charges or a visit to the hospital emergency room after an overdose.

But the picture is not all bleak. As long as you can keep that car on the road, you can go for days, months, even years without a serious episode of mania or depression.

How do you control that car? These suggestions have helped me.

My Morning Routine: I Can't Sit Down to Write Unless...

When I'm on the road, I can write almost anywhere. Curled up in an airport watching the snow and ice cover my plane. Squeezed into a sold-out theater waiting for the show to start. Even in the middle of a Las Vegas bar with a pen in one hand, a legal pad in the other, and a yard-long margarita sitting on the table.

At home, though, I have a series of little rituals that never fail to get me into the writing mood.

Take Meds

I've mentioned in other posts that I'm living with bipolar disorder. Some people are able to accomplish this feat without pharmaceutical assistance. I'm not one of them. Taking my prescribed medications allows me to function better as both a writer and as a human being.

Shower/Dress

During my first three months or so as a full-time freelancer, I reveled in the luxury of being able to work in a night shirt and a robe. Then the grunge look lost its novelty. I found that the more professional I looked, the more professional I sounded. Besides, when I look halfway presentable, I don't have to worry about scaring the nice UPS guy when he brings my Amazon orders to my door.

Attend to Cats

This involves giving them food and water, cleaning out their litter boxes (ick), and showering them with all the love and attention they're willing to tolerate. I've learned that the more I love on them first thing in the morning, the less likely they are to jump up on my desk and demand attention when I'm trying to get a piece in under deadline.

Breakfast

Breakfast is a protein bar and a cup of milk. I usually eat while I'm sorting email, which helps take my mind off the fact that protein bars taste disgusting.

Scent

I pick a candle or a stick of incense that matches my mood. Then I settle in for a productive day of work.

You'll notice I don't say anything in this blog about scheduling my day. That's because I've completed that task the night before. When I sit down at my desk, I know exactly what needs to be done and which project I'm going to reach for first. And so, my work day begins.

What rituals help you get your day off to a good start?

My Favorite Freelance Writing Posts

Isn't it a shame that when you write a blog some of your best posts slip away into obscurity. (Then, of course, there are the posts that truly should slip away into obscurity, but that's a different story.)

Anyway, this week I was feeling a little nostalgic, and maybe a little lazy as well, and decided to rerun some of my favorite posts from the last year or so. If you missed the originals, I hope you'll find something amusing or something informative in these selections.

1. 25 Strategies for Smashing Through Writer's Block. No, I'm not going to take the time to argue about whether there is any such thing as writer's block. Whatever we want to call it, most of us have had times when we're simply stuck, and these tips can help.

2. Freelance Writers: 7 Tips for Caring for Your Hands, Wrists, and Arms. We may not be professional athletes, but we still rely on our bodies to make a living. If you aren't already, start treating those hands with kid gloves.

3. Dear Debra - A Letter to My Sixteen Year Old Self. My personal favorite blog posts. I just wish someone really had been around when I was 16 to give me that advice!