Freelance Writer and Social Worker

Living and Writing with Bipolar Disorder - Staying on the Road

Imagine the best day you've ever had, a day when you were filled with energy and confidence and felt like you could take on the whole world and win...all before breakfast. Multiply those feelings by about 20. That's a manic episode.

Now imagine the worst day you've ever had, a day when you felt sad and lonely and discouraged. A day when getting out of bed seemed like a Herculean task and you had to force yourself through the motions of getting through the day. Now, multiply that feeling by 100. Unless you've been there, that's probably the closest you can come to understanding a depressive episode.

Although I was not officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder until I was in my thirties, I've been living with it ever since I was a teenager.

On most days, you'd never guess there was anything "wrong" with me. I'm calm, even-tempered, and I love working at my freelance writing business. I can't ever let myself forget, though, that the mania and depression lie in wait, counting on me to make a mistake that will release them.

In some ways, being bipolar is kind of like driving down a road. You're going along just fine when all of a sudden your tires hit an icy patch and send you flying into a skid. With not even a second's notice, you're fighting for your very survival.

Only when the car comes to a shuddering stop are you able to get out and assess the damage--like thousands of dollars in credit card charges or a visit to the hospital emergency room after an overdose.

But the picture is not all bleak. As long as you can keep that car on the road, you can go for days, months, even years without a serious episode of mania or depression.

How do you control that car? These suggestions have helped me.

What Being Called a Bitch Taught Me about Freelance Writing

My first social work position was in a hospital emergency room where I sometimes had to be very firm with drunk or drugged patients who were acting out. I had all the training I needed to do the job, but I wasn't ready for clients to call me names, scream obscenities at me, or throw half-full urinals at my head.

After a few weeks of this, I went to my supervisor in tears and told her I couldn't take it anymore.

She then told me something I've never forgotten: "You know," she said, "given the clients you work with, if you don't get called a bitch at least once a shift, you're probably not doing your job right."

What an eye-opening concept. I returned to the emergency room with a whole new mindset. Each time a client cursed me out, I held my ground and reminded myself that the verbal assault was an affirmation that I was, indeed, doing my job.

Eventually, I developed a greater comfort level with my clients, as well as a thicker skin. I even started to joke with some of our regular patients, whom we called "frequent flyers."

"Why don't you call me a puta (prostitute) anymore?" I asked one of our Mexican patients who was wide awake despite having a blood-alcohol level that should have been lethal.

He clapped a hand on my shoulder. "Is no fun now that you don't cry no more."

"Come on, call me a name for old time's sake. I haven't met my nightly quota."

He gave me an odd look and muttered something that ended in "loco."

My Favorite Freelance Writing Posts

Isn't it a shame that when you write a blog some of your best posts slip away into obscurity. (Then, of course, there are the posts that truly should slip away into obscurity, but that's a different story.)

Anyway, this week I was feeling a little nostalgic, and maybe a little lazy as well, and decided to rerun some of my favorite posts from the last year or so. If you missed the originals, I hope you'll find something amusing or something informative in these selections.

1. 25 Strategies for Smashing Through Writer's Block. No, I'm not going to take the time to argue about whether there is any such thing as writer's block. Whatever we want to call it, most of us have had times when we're simply stuck, and these tips can help.

2. Freelance Writers: 7 Tips for Caring for Your Hands, Wrists, and Arms. We may not be professional athletes, but we still rely on our bodies to make a living. If you aren't already, start treating those hands with kid gloves.

3. Dear Debra - A Letter to My Sixteen Year Old Self. My personal favorite blog posts. I just wish someone really had been around when I was 16 to give me that advice!

Writers and Secondary Trauma

I've spent the last two weeks hard at work on an article about military sexual trauma (MST). One day, I conducted three intense interviews in a span of less than two hours.

After the last interview, I put away my MST folder and pulled out a folder for a different project that needed my attention.

And I froze. I could not make the transition.

Dealing with managing a writing career and bipolar disorder has given me a fairly vocal inner editor/drill sergeant, but that day not even she could get me going.

Finally, I turned off the computer and wandered over to my couch to watch television. But it wasn't the comforting sounds of a sitcom I heard--I kept remembering the anxious, close-to-tears voice of one of the women I'd interviewed.

Then it hit me what had happened. I was going through what mental health professionals call "secondary trauma." Secondary trauma occurs when you empathize with a traumatized person or group so much that you begin to take on symptoms of their pain and trauma. It's a little like the old joke about men experiencing sympathetic labor pains, but when it actually happens, it's not so funny.

I had learned about secondary trauma the hard way. During my years as an emergency room social worker, I'd often come home in tears over things my clients had experienced.

With the help of my supervisor, who saw what was going on and warned me that I was at risk for burning out, I had developed a set of rituals to help me leave my work at the hospital. Eventually, I learned how to be intensely, empathetically present with my clients during the minutes or hours when our lives intersected and how to release them fully when it was time for us to part ways.

Being Flexible Can Help Your Writing Career Soar

There's an old joke dating back to pre-World War II days that sill makes its rounds in the military. One night, a young captain who had just taken charge of his first ship was alerted by his crew that they were on a collision course with another vessel.

The captain rushed up to the bridge and, sure enough, he could see a light that appeared to be getting closer.

He hailed the other ship, telling them to change their course.

The reply came back quickly: "You change course."

Annoyed, the young captain tapped out another message. "Advise you to change course immediately."

A moment later, he got his answer: "Advise you to change course immediately."

Now really angry, the captain pounded out, "I am a battleship!"

"I am a lighthouse."

The captain changed his course.

Like the young captain in the story, we may become so focused on one path that we don't recognize the times when the smartest move is simply to change course.

It doesn't help that this culture makes it difficult for people to admit a change of mind or heart. Look at how politicians are mocked for "flip flopping" or being "wishy washy" if they deviate so much as one word from a previously stated position.

These kinds of messages make it easy to forget that flexibility is actually a desirable characteristic. It's adaptive to allow new information to influence our choices. It's when we aren't open to new ideas or perspectives that we...well, tend to run into lighthouses.

What Being an ER Social Worker Taught Me about Writing

In 1997, I got my first job as a master's level social worker providing crisis services and bereavement support in an inner city emergency room popularly known as "The Knife and Gun Club."

Oddly enough, I loved the work, and many of the lessons I learned in the ER turned out to be great preparation for my career as a freelance writer.

1. What an emergency is...and what it isn't.

In the emergency room where I worked, the staff got pretty excited when someone's heart stopped beating or when a patient came in spurting gouts of blood from a wound or an orifice. Other than that, we were a laid-back crew.

Similarly, I don't get terribly worked up when a client calls me with an "emergency." I respond in a prompt and professional manner, but I figure if the client still has a heartbeat and is capable of speech, we have time to work things out.

It was also working in the emergency room that taught me one of my all-time favorite quotes: "Lack of prior planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."

Hospice Tails Is Going on a Blog Tour

Over the next four weeks, my newest book, Hospice Tails, which describes my experiences as a hospice social worker with clients and their pets, will be featured on a dozen popular blogs.

If you have a moment, stop by to visit the blogs hosting Hospice Tails. You can read reviews, interviews with me, and guest posts that I have written. I will also be responding to readers' questions and comments. Better yet, many of the blogs are giving away free copies of Hospice Tails to a few lucky winners.

So, be sure to follow along as Hospice Tails tours the Internet.

Hospice Tails Blog Tour Schedule:

November 21 - WOW! Women on Writing Blog, The Muffin 

November 22 - Writers Inspired

November 23 - Sugar Peach

November 28 - My Reading Room

November 29 - Lisa Is a Bookworm

November 30 - Kritter's Ramblings

December 6 - Mom-E-Centric (listen to my very first podcast)

December 7 & 8 - Crazy for Books

December 13 - Selling Books

December 14 - Me and Reading

December 15 - The Caregiver's Voice

December 23 - Reviews by Molly

"Hospice Tails" Wins Praise From Hospice Pioneer

This week when I checked my email, I found a message I will always treasure. The writer of those words was Barbara Karnes, RN, hospice expert and author of Gone From My Sight, A Time to Live, and My Friend I Care. In fact, hearing her speak was part of what sparked my interest in becoming a hospice social worker.

When my book, Hospice Tails, about hospice patients and their pets, came on the market, I was thrilled when Barbara agreed to take a look at it.

Her response, which she has given me permission to print, follows:

"I loved it! I smiled, I cried, I thoroughly enjoyed this book. One of the things I liked most was that it wasn't just a good read. It was also an educational read. Intermixed in the stories is another story, the role of hospice. Debra told of hospice's relationship in people's lives without the reader knowing they were being educated. How great a gift of writing is that? Very great!"

Hospice Tails - Chapter One: The World's Biggest Lapdog

(c) 2011 by Debra Stang, excerpted from the work Hospice Tails: The Animal  Companions Who Journey With Hospice Patients and Their Families.

The information on the referral form from the home health agency was brief and bleak. I had been a hospice social worker long enough to interpret the hopelessness and frustration behind it. "Sixty-eight year old female. Pancreatic cancer with metastases to bone and liver. Poor pain control. Supportive family. Beware of dog."

I blinked and re-read that last sentence. Beware of dog? That was a new one.

Later that day, when I called the patient's daughter, Nancy, to set up an initial visit, I asked her about the allegedly dangerous dog. She burst into tears. "Please don't make Mama get rid of King. It would kill her. It would kill all of us. He's part of the family."

"Of course I won't make you get rid of your dog," I said. "I just have to make sure our staff is safe when we come to the home to make visits. What kind of dog is it?"

"A pit bull."

Great. "About how big, would you say?"

"Oh, King's a big boy. Probably close to a hundred pounds."

Double great. Why couldn't they have had a nasty tempered Shih Tzu? "Isn't that pretty big for a pit bull?" I said, hoping she was exaggerating.

A long pause greeted my optimistic question. "Well, um...the vet thinks King might be part Rottweiler, too. We're not sure."

New Book "Hospice Tails" Due Out in June

 In June, my new book, Hospice Tails, is being released through Booklocker.

Hospice Tails tells the story of thirteen animal companions who walked with humans on their hospice journey. In its pages you'll meet King, an abused pit bull fiercely loyal to his rescuer, Fizzle, a teacup poodle who guarded his human in death as well as life, and Lightning, a horse who brought comfort to a grieving widower. You'll also meet ten other animals who played a part, sometimes heart-rending and sometimes comical, as their humans navigated the rough waters of end-of-life care.

Of course, I've changed the names and some of the details of the stories to protect the identities of my clients, but each human/animal bond described is or was very real.

If this book brings an occasional tear to your eye, I know it will also bring a more frequent smile to your lips.

For those of you who want a taste of Hospice Tails, I'll be posting the first chapter on my blog next week.

Stay tuned for information on how to order Hospice Tails as a print book, an e-book, or as a Kindle edition. If you're a fan of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series or if you were fascinated by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley's ground-breaking book Final Gifts, you don't want to miss Hospice Tails!