Freelance Writer and Social Worker

What Being Called a Bitch Taught Me about Freelance Writing

My first social work position was in a hospital emergency room where I sometimes had to be very firm with drunk or drugged patients who were acting out. I had all the training I needed to do the job, but I wasn't ready for clients to call me names, scream obscenities at me, or throw half-full urinals at my head.

After a few weeks of this, I went to my supervisor in tears and told her I couldn't take it anymore.

She then told me something I've never forgotten: "You know," she said, "given the clients you work with, if you don't get called a bitch at least once a shift, you're probably not doing your job right."

What an eye-opening concept. I returned to the emergency room with a whole new mindset. Each time a client cursed me out, I held my ground and reminded myself that the verbal assault was an affirmation that I was, indeed, doing my job.

Eventually, I developed a greater comfort level with my clients, as well as a thicker skin. I even started to joke with some of our regular patients, whom we called "frequent flyers."

"Why don't you call me a puta (prostitute) anymore?" I asked one of our Mexican patients who was wide awake despite having a blood-alcohol level that should have been lethal.

He clapped a hand on my shoulder. "Is no fun now that you don't cry no more."

"Come on, call me a name for old time's sake. I haven't met my nightly quota."

He gave me an odd look and muttered something that ended in "loco."

What to Do If You Set a Goal...and Fail

It seems like half of the articles I read these days sing the praises of setting goals. The other half talk about how thrilling it is to achieve a goal.

But what if the opposite happens? What if I set a goal and don't achieve it? What if I fail?

Well, I know from personal experience that the stars don't suddenly fall from the sky, nor am I instantly surrounded by a chorus of creepy kids chanting, "Na-na-na-na-na, You-didn't-make-it!"

In fact, as long as I haven't missed a hard deadline, the only one who knows I've failed is me. And I'm not generally dumb enough to put it on the 6:00 news.

I do, however, ask myself a few questions to try to figure out what happened and how I can get back on track.

Was My Goal a SMART Goal?

SMART stands for specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-limited.

I've noticed I have a nasty habit of setting goals that aren't realistic unless I evolve another brain, at least two more sets of arms, and the ability to type about 1000 words per minute (hey, it could happen).

If my goal doesn't pass the SMART test, I work on it until it does. Then I try again.

Dear Debra - A Letter to My Sixteen-Year-Old Self

A few days ago, I read the book, "Dear Me: A Letter to My Sixteen-Year-Old Self," edited by Joseph Galliano. Celebrities from Alan Rickman (Snape, Harry Potter movies) to financial guru Suze Orman weighed in with what they wanted their younger selves to know.

That book literally crackled with ideas and hope. In fact, I thought the concept was such a good idea that I decided to look back across time and write a letter to myself, a letter that I would have been thrilled to receive when I was that age.

I've taken out some of the embarrassingly personal parts, but I've left in the advice for me as a young writer. Maybe it will help someone else out there who's struggling to make a living from words. If not, at least writing it was very cathartic. Here goes...

Dear 16-year-old Debra,

You're smiling in this picture, but I can still see the sadness in your eyes and the hurt in your heart. I know you are being horribly, methodically bullied. I also know that the next 24 months will leave you broken, exhausted, and wondering if there is any point to going on.

Don't give into those feelings of despair, child. I'm living proof that you make it through the hard tmes and come out on the other side...

...And you will live your lifelong dream of becoming a self-supporting writer. No, not writing lurid novels like the ones you like to read now--though never forget, a pseudonym is a wonderful thing--but you will be best known for your nonfiction. Your work will appear on the Internet (you'll find out what that is later) and in print.

And because I feel like I'm supposed to be the voice of wisdom here, or something, I've put together a few tips to help you along the way. I don't expect you to listen to me. Most of this shit (yeah, we curse now) is stuff you'll have to figure out as you make your own way. Then you can slap a hand to your forehead and say, "You know what? That crazy lady was right!" Anyway, here goes.

Take the Next Step as a Freelance Writer - Let Go of the Driftwood

A couple of years ago, when I was struggling to replace a self-destructive behavior with a new, healthier one, I saw a therapist who suggested an analogy I've never forgotten.

Imagine, she said, that you've survived a shipwreck and are clinging to a piece of driftwood in the middle of the ocean. You've been holding onto that driftwood for a long time. You're getting sleepy, your arms are getting tired, and the sharks are starting to circle.

Then, just when you think all hope is lost, a rescue helicopter swoops onto the scene and dangles a rescue ladder in front of you. You know that the helicopter can carry you to safety. There's just one catch. In order to grab hold of the ladder, you first have to let go of the driftwood...

That sounds easy enough, doesn't it? Let go of something that's not working in order to grasp something that you know will work better. Ah, but the catch is that terrifying moment between letting go of the old thing and grabbing onto of the new, that seemingly interminable moment when you're holding nothing.

And what happens if the helicopter and the ladder are just optical illusions, or if you grab for that ladder with the last of your strength and you miss it? These terrifying possibilities can leave you clinging to the driftwood forever...or at least until the sharks get hungry.

Defending Your Work Day as a Freelance Writer

"It's so great that you don't have to work," one of my friends told me recently. "I feel like I can just call you for anything."

I had mixed feelings about that. Of course I want my friends to see me as helpful and reliable, but I hadn't realized I "didn't have to work." In fact, I could have sworn I'd stayed up until 3:00 A.M. just that morning to help one of my many clients finish a last-minute editing project.

I know I'm not the only freelancer who runs into this dilemma. Many of the writers I know who work from home report that their friends and family members feel free to call, drop by, or ask them to run errands during the days.

These same people, of course, would never dream of barging into a brick-and-mortar workplace with similar demands.

So, what can you do if your loved ones treat you as though you don't have a "real" job?

These suggestions may help.

1. Commit to working a certain number of hours. Right now, my goal is a 50-hour work week: Eight hours Monday through Friday with half days on the weekend. I allow for some flexibility, for instance, if I have a daytime appointment, I might work a half day on Tuesday and a full day on Saturday, but the 50 hours is non-negotiable. Knowing that I'm accountable for those hours makes it easier to plan my time and set boundaries.

2. Practice saying "no." No is a word that doesn't come easily to most women and many men. We've been told that it's wrong to appear harsh, uncompromising, or perhaps worst of all, indifferent to the needs of others. When we do say no, we try to sugarcoat the message with excuses or promises of assistance in the future. The truth is, when you can't do something, it's okay to say no and leave it at that. Stand in front of the mirror and practice saying, "I'm sorry; I won't be able to help you with that." Keep saying it until the words come naturally.

Don't Waste Time When Work Is Slow

Have you ever noticed that the freelance life is either feast or famine? Sometimes, you're trying frantically to balance 20 clients at once as that vaguely-remembered state of consciousness called sleep becomes a distant memory. Other days, you can't pay someone to give you a gig.

When the slow times come--and they will--don't declare a vacation and party until the work starts trickling in again. Instead, use the time to strengthen and build your business to minimize the financial impact of dry spells in the future.

Here are five ideas to get you started.

1. Market, market, market.

Try cold-calling, warm-calling, email campaigns, direct mail campaigns, and tapping into social media such as Facebook and Twitter. Take out a paid ad through Google or Facebook. Go back to your client list and touch base with the people you haven't heard from in a while--nothing high-pressured, just a short email that asks how they're doing and lets them know that you're still available to take on projects. I've even been reduced to going around town and leaving my business cards and brochures at any business with a community bulletin board.

2. Catch up on the business end of things.

If you've been letting the business end of your freelance career slip, now is a great time to get caught up. Send all those invoices you've been putting off, and follow up with non-paying clients. Now is also a good time to get a simple accounting program and enter your business's expenses and income. Granted, it doesn't really make for a good time, but think how pleased your accountant will be with you.

7 Benefits of Setting Goals

A popular quote among the self-improvement crowd, typically attributed to Zig Ziglar states that if you aim for nothing, you'll hit it every time.

Most people can see the wisdom in this, but many still put off setting goals and memorializing them in writing. "I know what I want," the say, "so why bother with all that goal-setting crap?"

I know what they say, because I used to be one of the people saying it. But since I've become a fulltime freelance writer and editor, I've found myself being won over by the whole idea of setting specific, measurable, action-oriented, reachable, and time-limited (SMART) goals.

Goal-setting has several advantages.

1. It separates your intentions from your wishes and dreams.

T.E. Lawrence, better known as Lawrence of Arabia, one said, "All men dream, but not equally." We all have things that we'd kind of like to do, but not badly enough to work to make them happen. Then, there are those dreams we would do anything to make come true. You can make these dreams your goals--your intentions--and figure out the steps you need to take to make them come true.

2. Goal-setting gives you an end point.

If you've ever been on a road trip with a small child, you know that the four most annoying words in the English language are, "Are we there yet?" When we don't set specific goals, we put ourselves in the same position as a bored, travel-weary child. We don't know when we're getting close to our destination, and we don't know when we've reached it. Suppose, for instance, your goal is to reduce your weight. Would you be "there" if you lost half a pound? Probably not. "I will weigh 135 pounds by March 31, 2012," lets you know exactly where you're going and how close you are to getting there.

7 Things I Learned from Winning NaNoWriMo

November might mean Thanksgiving and black Friday to the uninitiated, but writers know it is National Novel Writing Month. Between 12:01 AM on November 1 and 11:59 PM on November 30, thousands of authors all over the world commit themselves to writing a 50,000 word novel.

2011 marked my first year as a NaNoWriMo participant. At 9:00 AM on November 30, I confirmed my word count at 50,200. I won!

So, what did I learn from my successful participation in NaNoWriMo? Actually, quite a lot.

1. Free-writing is fun.

In order to pound out 50,000 words in a single month, you have to put a choke collar on your inner editor and just allow the words to flow however they like. The results might cause your high school English teacher to faint in horror, but I guarantee you will have more fun--and more ideas for your fiction--than you've had in ages.

2. Procrastination = Pain

You can complete a 50,000-word novel at the relatively sedate pace of 1667 words per day. Or, you can do what I did, blow off a bunch of days, and then spend the day before zero hour writing 9000 words in an effort to catch up. Ow.

Never Confuse Defeat with Failure

Everyone wants to be successful and triumphant, to accomplish great things in our lives and or at the very least to meet our permanent goals.

We may picture ourselves, proud and happy, having achieved our dreams at last.

But these daydreams are as close as many people come to success.

Why is that? Because they have not been adequately prepared for defeat.